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Friday, December 03, 2004

Life is filled with ups and downs. It has been weeks ever since my very last post about my guy who i know him almost 2-3 months time. The last time I get to meet him was on a bright sunny Tuesday where my parents are not around he came over my place and took a long rest before we headed for my stuffs that I need to do and the work he has to complete. This was happen like almost going to 2 months time….I still remember he came right after the day he landed from his business trip from Thailand… during his business trip, it was like everyday I chatting with him non-stop when I get back from work….he would be online for me to chat with….it is real nice feeling chatting with him…that kind of feeling is call chemistry…not everyone that chat with me endlessly will means chemistry….it is the feeling that cannot be describe out in terms of words….I believe all the lovers out there should know what I mean….I’m can say I’m not getting deeper in guy’s relationship but just that I like someone to share my burden with.. the burden I’m carrying not everyone close to me will understand it. Even my sec. schmates doesn’t know what I’m thinking sometimes… I’m sure everyone that I knows think I’m rich but it is all the wealth that I earn it myself and dependent on my parents.. who knows what I have been through. I don’t deny sometimes I depend on my parents but just that only happen when I’m real tired of work and tight in my pocket then they r there to save me. Not I don’t want to have a boy girl relationship but just that my very first girl that I loved deeply had hurt me deeply and from then never have confidence in girls only when someone can tell me she can be trusted for my rest of my life with no worries…seeing here and there for sometime after my breakoff with Roger, I seen so much different kind of guys and girls already…. It really makes me deeply in thought over what they are to me… maybe for the time being I just want to have a lot of friends surrounded me and have fun together. Get me forget who am I is the best way I think but not into any relationship… I think my heart is always have this reservation for the first girl and first guy I ever loved deeply. I never forget those days I been with them and sadness I been through just because of them. I think this piece of journal I’m writing is purely right deep from my heart and writing it with all my thoughts…. Hope all my sad,happiness,joys,painful,etc type of experiences r lock within the journal I been posting . Just like all the posts I had put in between Roger and I is allowing me to taste the sweetness we used to have together… Some people told me that looking for a relationship with chemistry is stupid but I think is not… only relationship with chemistry then will last with the taste of sweetness just like adding caramel syrup to a bitter coffee to blend off the bitterness of the coffee…how about another simpler way of saying when hydrogen meets oxygen they need the catalyst in between to create them together and turn into water… if not even when they meets up they won’t turn into water when there is no catalyst . I think I better sign off for my piece of words now before I start to create out a few pages of it…

1:50:00 PM