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It has been almost 3 weeks plus from the last time he mention to stop seeing each other or keeping in touch...I felt i'm so useless when come to this kind of thing...i simply can't put it down easily.....i find that the wound inside me instead of healing up it has worsen it and start to grow deeper into it......i think this time round i'm really serious to it be coz i thought i have found the right person that i can trust and share with......actually why i treasure him so much becoz all the while i been craving for a elder brother so i can share everything with him and he can share everything with me like toking with no world boundaries.........haiz.........knew him for 4 years+ and chat with him ......all the while i treated him as my big brother and never expect when i met him in person this year is like i already told myself i have found my right person which i can put my trust on.........and now things is happening so fast.....how i wish he haven't undergoes any operation then i dun think it will happen anything yet....the memories with him i simply unable to erase it away.........i tried so hard not to think but simply i can't.........argh.......so painful moments........all i can say i'm so tired to act tough on the outside of me as nothing happen but in my mind it is still the same..........one whole week plus i didn't blog already.........i think somehow things is going fine with me just that sometimes when the memories flow back to my mind, my eyes sure goes red and might burst into tears sometimes for no reason....i somehow trying so hard to look on the bright side already.....but when the memories comes into it, i really can't help it.....i think my working colleagues sometimes got scared by my sudden change of my mood within a few mins.......oops..........am i very scary person?.......i think everyday my life has filled with all sorts of ppl now......is he forcing me into opening myself up to everyone out there?...i think the blow he has given me has change a slight differences of myself.....

Whatever come str8 to the point , whole week i been meeting up with all sorts of ppl due to my work requirements....all the clients brought in by the distributors is talking the best of me.....i felt so great being complimented and even the people working in the office department quite surprise with my performance that i can build such a strong rapport with the distributors so fast within a short period of few weeks.....great.....somehow i feel so great when i dun look afterall with my age becoz some of them i can't even imagine they r younger than me but look real older than me....maybe they not grooming themselves up.......hmmmm.........
nuskin has taught me lots of things related to health issues and skin issues.......oops.....am i too into beauty stuff already? hahaha.........so much ppl i knew recently is so caring to me especially the distributors i knew....they know i always skip my dinner so they get sandwiches for me when they r here with their clients.....oh great feeling being care by others......some even said i looks like a professional consultant based on the way i speak to the clients.......oh my god that is not my line.......okie.....gonna go now to prepare off to my work as so much things to do.....have to pack my bags with my newly type reports and put in my fav. cologne and my fav. bk and my fav. cds. into my bag...great although a short little hours of 6 hrs but still so much things to do and still have to bring home to work.......am i too hardworking little bug for the company?

hope i can everyday post a blog into here so that it wouldn't be so long....hopefully......so much things to write man........

I just can't bring myself coming into this blog to write any journals....everytime i start writing i will tend to reminds me of the past..remember the days i have with him....i haven't complete my journal that day .......felt totally sad when writing halfway so i publish half of it and i unable to bring myself to complete it.....had a very sad evening when all the memories juz flow into my mind easily and reminding of the missing sweetness i used to have.....i'm totally tired abt it but juz can't help myself into thinking.......

People around me keep telling me is good that this thing ends early as there is no future to it but i was juz telling them can't things end it properly? why must it end it so bluntly? and hurts me so deep......this is the deepest emotions i have put ever and now i got hurt the deepest when he is so heartless to it........when he scold me, have he ever consider abt my feelings before he do that?........haiz........life is so meaningless....all i know is to convert all my sadness into motivation in working.....work so hard for wat but juz to do myself harm?.......

I'm great that during this period of time, there is a person came into my life to hold me back.....i'm so grateful that he appears in that moment becoz if not i'm will not be here writing any more journals already....i always remember that nite........i got so sad that he mention to break off with me and i was so lost at that moment and immediately travel all the way to his house area as i'm so lost.......at that moment i really thought of doing things foolishly and luckily this person know abt it becoz he was toking to me before the things happened.......then after it happen, he heard my attitude totally a big changed and he so worried abt me........he kept calling my hp through the nite but i refuse to pick up until late at nite 10+ i still outside in the east side......then i decided to pick up and he keep consoling me and talk me round not to do things foolishly as he will never forgive on my doings.....i'm so grateful to him but too bad he is a attached guy...so no point continuing with him as i told myself becoz i'm going to hurt myself again.....i can say i pour all my sorrows to him and i'm so weak now........my emotions r totally exhuasted now......i can say if something gonna happen again i think death will be the only way for me already.......i'm so tired of life already.......things r not going smoothly for me everytime........or maybe it serve me right as i choose it myself........first time with a girl then got hurt and then i turn to a guy......now with a guy and got hurt again
who can i turn to now? i think no one i can turn to and when then i can find a person which can treasure me lots? issit a guy or a girl? or none? hoping it is none as i'm so tired of it already.....i really scared of communicating with this person too long as i will fall for him...i'm a person that fall in love easily....i keep telling myself he is attached but he is way too concern for me already and i'm scared....i juz wan to hide at one corner and let everyone ignore me.......journal oh journal......so much sweet memories in here archives.......luckily there is no pics or else i sure cry till i die..........i'm such a emotional guy.......when i'm in love i will put in everything truthfully for that person.......sometimes people juz dun appreciate ur true love for that person.......haiz.......issit really true that true love never ever exist in the world?....i always believe in giving everything for the loved one but has the loved one appreciate and give u the same?i dun mind the person not to give back the same but at least appreciate it........

Weeks Of Journal

at last i got myself back to writing my journal again.....so much memories have been stored in here and had happen so much things recently......got gd and bad things happening on me......on the day ever since he broke off with me.........things is not going on the right way.....i have found a real true guy friend that cares for me so much and pull me out from the depression i'm facing......i can never expect myself to become so devoted for this love i put in and caused myself so much depress over it........i even admitted to hospital during midnite which no one knows due to gastric.......i was like over exerting myself on work side and keep skipping my meals for a few days....then it start to reacts badly at nite after my frequent skipping of meals.......it happen on like friday nite while sleeping halfway my gastric reacts badly and got no one at home as everyone went to malaysia.....i took a cab and headed to hospital to get a check and determine it is a quite severe gastric....was in hospital for a day observation and discharge the day itself....i been asking myself why i always know of people that can't keep their promise to me? they made their promise to me so real and outcome turns the other way round.....felt so lost and almsot wanted to end my life immediately.......i dun think much ppl knows wat is happening to me this few weeks as i kept myself away from the world at the moment.....I PROUD TO ANNOUNCE I'M NO LONGER ATTACHED TO ANYONE ALREADY.......

i think i lost some weights over these matters and heard my friends telling me why my face look a bit sharper now ..... i still can't get over it that easily man....memories is simply juz flowing into my mind smoothly and makes me think of him badly......i still remember the first time i met him.....i met him early in the morning before i start work and he drove me from Jurong Point to Kiong Albert Park with the subsitute car when his car is on servicing.......then follow on i met him and with him through the whole morning and afternoon..... till i go to work......haiz,...writing this journal had start to make my eyes going to be red again filling up with tears........eyes r a bit swollen everyday since the day he mention to break off.......my heart is totally shattered when we can't even be friends also.....i really hope to maintain as great buddy if possible but been decline.....i juz can't continue to write on the happy stuff now as my mind r filled with the memories of being with him...i simply can't put it down easily.......argh.........so stressed up..........

Kor, U always on My mind. No one can replace you in me..
Pls Tell me what to do.......

Just For You,
Roger

i would rather die than survive in this world now.....juz got scolded by my kor and he said not going to see me anymore........why issit like this?.........is dying a solution to everything?....why muz it comes to such a situation when i now think that only when i'm gone then everything will be disappear into the thin air......why can't he let me explain before he come to conclusion?......i'm totally a hopeless guy? really started to find life is so tough and end it as soon as possible......how i wish i can do it right away......