Your profile here, you could add your own display picture in place of that.
Your loves, hates, wishlist. Show some attitude, cast an impression on others and be cool. For once, it doesn't matter if you are arrogant or proud cause it's your blog.

Every night i'm having sleepless nites....dunno why but maybe i'm simply too concern for someone already....he is simply part of my concern to my life already...without knowing what is happening to him has made me more worries although i know he should be old enough and my worries is extra....but all i can say becoz i already treat him as my next of kin already so the concern is there no matter what....kor, do u know i didn't mean to make u angry? I'm really sorry but i simply want some attention from you can?

I really so stressed up and did u know how many interviews did i goes for and how many of them actually fails? i'm really so stressed up and family members r not showing any concern to me and keep blaming me....what did i do wrong?......been going for quite a no. of interviews past few weeks and nothing seems to be going smoothly that is why i really need to find you out meeting and chat as i find comfortable when with you.....better than staying at home looking into the walls and hoping the walls can talk to me....they all didn't even bothers abt my 21st birthday is already enough....

P.S Kor, I be expecting your call this week okay? I'm really didn't mean to make you angry on monday one....I'm sincerely saying sorry to you....I'm not depending on you too much but juz that i need someone to lean on at the moment.....or else my life is so meaningless already....I been standing on the world for so long and i think it is time for me to take a rest before i can stand up again......trust me i also cannot rely on u too much what when i have to enter into NS rite?

Lost Lost Lost
 
I really dunno whether to continue writing my journal in here or not......My only purpose in setting this online journal is actually want to let my kor to know what i'm doing everyday....i wish to share everything in me with him....he is my kor forever i already swear to myself....I'm feeling so lost now......where is my kor to keep me back to my track mof life again?.....He is the only person that can get me back to my life track again......I feel my health immune system is deteoriating dunno why....i seems to fall sick easily also.....really feeling not good although i act to be okay to people in front but actually i'm having a tummy ache dunno what i had upset my stomach....it didn't happen to me so long already.....Weak man.....no appetite to eat also now...



P.S. Kor, This week will be very free for me to meet you up as my interview appointment is quite sparsely spread out.....mostly happens to be in the east also.....so hopefully u can arrange a day for this week for me to meet you up....oh yah i also like to borrow a book from you to read partly to kill my time also....

Save the Best For Last - Vanessa Williams
 
Sometimes the snow comes down in June
Sometimes the sun goes round the moon
I see the passion in your eyes
Sometimes it's all a big surprise
Cause there was a time when all I did was wish
You'd tell me this was love
It's not the way I hoped or how i find
But somehow it's enough
But now we're standing facing face to face
Isn't this world a crazy place
Just when i thought our chance had past
You go and save the best for the last
All of the nights you came to me
When some silly girl had set you free
You wondered how you'd make it through
I wondered what was wrong to you
Cause how could you give your love to someone else
And share your dreams with me
Sometimes the very thing you looking for
Is the one thing you can't see
But now we're standing facing face to face
Isn't this world a crazy place
Just when I thought our chance had past
You go and save the best for the last
Sometimes the very thing you looking for
Is the one thing you can't see
Sometimes the snow comes down in June
Sometimes the sun goes round the moon
Just when I thought our chance had past
You go and save the best for the last
You went and saved the best for the last

muz be dreaming 

Kor, This is the type of watch I'm into for....Been my dream to have such a watch to wear with my formal clothes....hahahamuz be dreaming 

Few Days Happening

A lot of things actually happened these few days but not in the petrol kiosk anymore because i have decided to stop the work in there....All i can say working in the petrol kiosk makes me feel like being buried in a store with no future.....

I been to a fcw interviews these few days and all not successful due to some of the factors which i can't give them and they feel it is a pity to lose such a good candidate like me.....hahaha.....thick-skinned right?....okay....the places i gone to sure make people envy me so much and i better tell....first i went to Starhub to interview at the position of Customer Coordinators.....the details i shall not say why it is not successful......then the following day i went to Mediacorp to interview.....that was a remote place that i decided to take a cab down instead of taking the public transport......also the same position.....hahaha....envy me going down to mediacorp...saw quite a few artistes but too bad not in the mood to be excited seeing them so i continue to stay calm...... all was in the morning interview appointment.....I have impressed the interviewers with the way i communicate with them and the way i express myself out to my enthutism in working for them......they were so keen in taking in me but then things happen differently when come to the last part of discussion on the job commitment, etc.....the details were to be share with my brother......okay....that is the end for my interviews and ended with jobless now again....don't tell me i have to go to work in petrol kiosk......no way for me to go back man...i would rather stay at home everyday do housework and clean my pets and meet my brother than working for that stupid place with such a lowly-paid salary....i thought the pay my boss could offer me is so fantastic which wants me to be back to help him out......

Talking abt mediacorp artistes....I saw Zoe Tay,Chen Hanwei and etc.....which i forgotten their names at the moment liao.....must be saying wasted didn't take pics with them rite? they look so gorgoeus for ladies and suave for guys.....hmmmm.....too bad i cannot be their colleague at the moment but they invited me to go for another interview when i got out from NS....hahaha......great opportunity to grab for.....the interviewer even gave me his namecard and ask me to look for him after my NS...hopefully he is still around as what he said to me.....

Lastly all i can say is still miss my kor so much.....haven't been seeing him for a week liao....although we still in contact sometimes in ICQ but then wondering when can i see him fully recovered? hmmmm...although that day after my starhub interview actually was about to meet my kor and when i reach bedok then he message me better not meet today maybe he is busy so i decided not to pursue the matter and made a turn back to the west....imagine the journey is like 40 mins already and have to make a turn....feeling so sad when taking bus back to west from bedok...i know it is a long journey but just enough time for me to sob alone in the bus also....muz be a crybaby....so when the bus was passing by tanjong pager and it is lunch hour already so i called one of my ex-colleague out for lunch as she is working in that area also....my feeling deep inside me is not feeling good but have to act nothing happen in front of everyone....haiz....tough being a human man.....had a great lunch with my ex-colleague....talk quite a lot during the lunch although it is short but great.....i didn't say much abt my kor to her although she knows......then she ask why i didn't look for my kor then i replied i said he is busy so i look her up....then she said no wonder she is the backup then....hahaha....that was the day on my interview with starhub.....mediacorp that day interview totally was alone and after that was accompanying my cousin for scanning the foetus.......all i can say that was a great joke on the visting for the clinic....because it is her first time checkup and her hubby cannot make it so she asked me and i'm free so went together.....i was outside waiting for her while she is inside the room consulting the doc.....when come to the scanning part which is also the embarrassing part, the nurse actually told me softly that i can go in the room to see what is happening but that time i was listening to my discman so didn't notice then she repeated her words slightly louder which the whole clinic can hear as it is so quiet in there....she said this time u r her husband can go in and see the scanning process do u know that? i was so stunned at that moment and replied i'm not her husband and all the patients heard and break into laughter........so embarrasing....maybe next time dun ever go to such places alone with a pregnant woman especially or else will get mistaken.......oh my god....my face immediately went so red and so pai seh and continue to listen to my discman......haiz.....wat a day been mistaken for someone else husband.....do i look like a guy that someone wans me except my kor?

Kor, Wish me all the best for all my interviews and hopefully i can get to see u next week okay.....see u

  
 
P.S...Kor, No matter what happen i will always be with you.....as the promise you made is always in my mind....hope you still remember what you promise me.....

Weekend is just over and everything seems very tough to me......the time passes so slow when i feel so sick...i have to help out at the kiosk again....when then i can stop this stupid job?....haiz.......so lonely working in such place especially when u feel weak......i was still having my fever through the weekend but nobody knows......even my parents didn't even know i'm sick becoz they were never free to stay at home and observe what is happening to me.....on my way home on saturday after work, simply i feel myself is so sick and i recieve my kor sms......feel so great to have him message me but then i really very sick that i can't reply him much also.....wat a waste.......my fever is back again then i took medicine to control the conditions and slept through the night uncomfortably ......i feel so terrible and the next morning i feel slightly better already...my fever had subside but conditions of my body haven't recover fully....appetite not there and head is spinning....but i still drag myself to work as i promise to help out....see i'm so loyal friend cum person one.......i'm true and loyal to everything especially to my love so who is the one i love sure get full of me watever i can......okay today i feeling in the good condition already......fever has gone and headache no longer as pain as ever ....all i want now is to see my kor.....
 
P.S. Kor , You r really someone important to me.......i'm sure you are aware of all these....not i dun wan to rely u too much but juz want to let u know u r important to me....

so many days didn't submit any entries already........haiz..........same old me with troubles surrounding me......waiting for so many days at last my kor call me on wednesday already after behaving myself not calling,sms or email him......at least he shows he still cares for me.......when i saw his call i was like flying over the sky and can't feel the worries i had anymore......felt so carefree the moment i hear his warm voice through my hp......wee........but then not to forget i'm still having slight fever......my fever haven't fully recover and i yet still wish to use up my movie vouchers and watch with him......i made appointment with him on friday to watch a show with him at afternoon time......wee.....can't wait for the day to come......later at nite i was invited to a friend's birthday celebration but then i think it suppose to be clubbing so i join them with my slight fever on.....i drank a bit this time as i tried to cut down already becoz my kor doesn't like people to drink one.....dunno why maybe i'm sick that day that is why a bit of alcohol made me so sick already.....i really cannot stand it so i left before the clock strikes 12am which not the usual me if were to go clubbing with them....sorry to disappoint serene,germaine,shini and their friends as i'm really can't take it anymore as i'm totally weak that nite......the following morning when to see a doctor and he scolded me to go clubbing when i'm still sick as my health doesn't approve such activities so he gave me a jab to get the fever away quickly as i told him i got important appointment on friday......sianz.....been popping pills for so many days at last a jab cure everything.......but then pimples been popping out maybe thinking too much of my kor and plus i'm having fever......STRESSED.........but never mind thinking of friday i'm so excited.....dunno i'm too enthutiastic about this meeting or what....with my recovering fever i run through the rain to the bus stop as i forgotten to bring umbrella along without realising i'm still a sick guy.....i have to take a bus to the train station in order to get caught in the rain more.... so when i got into the train, i was like slightly feeling a bit cold shivering already....shit am i going to be sick again......never mind seeing my kor is more important.......then i reach bishan at 11am while the show start at 12.55pm...i have to be there earlier in  order partially to ensure there is seats available and also requires to be early for vouchers redemption.......i thought he will be reaching early to have lunch with me but dun have....he comes exactly on the time and got no time to grab a bite ......i dun dare to tell him i'm hungry becoz i dun wish to miss the show with him.....so i bear with the hunger through the 2 and a half hours show of Brotherhood......in the theatre i was shivering cold and hungry......i'm so cold in there that i wanted to hug my kor to get some warmth but dun dare to do it so through the show i was moving a lot to keep myself a bit warm......i think my kor got a bit touch by the show....same as me but then i didn't really cry out as my tears r dry out becoz of him....but he i think got touch to tears rolling down lor....after the show we headed to toa payoh as he need to meet his friend so i was like been throw away again...seperate at the front door of HDB Hub then no choice have to go and work so took 157 to the kiosk.....actually i dun feel like working in the petrol kiosk one but then no choice as i promise to help one.....wish he can get someone better than me becoz i'm really sick of frontline job already.....standing there like a statue of service......hahaha......during the journey to work i sms my kor but then no reply....dunno why this time he didn't say anything leh.....haiz......wondering what he is doing now......hmmm....reach my work place liao.......hate to see the store lah actually becoz i got no mood to work already......i feel so moody then i give the sianz sianz look lor and then before my boss leave i told him to be prepare for me to leave by this week if possible.....at nite time i sure blast the kiosk with clubbing songs to bring life to it.....heyhey.......real hip hop man......even the pump attendent also enjoy working with me as time passes faster like this rather than listening to class95 which is playing oldies....i dun mind listening to it but not at such places lor.....anyway i'm going to switch job again........
 
P.S. Kor, Hope to be the first one to be with you without your neck collar on....Misses those days you drive me around carefree life and of course not forgetting those things we do together.....
 
 

I simply can't get to sleep so early nowadays....been waiting for my kor's call everyday now...it has been 2nd days haven't got any news from him and restrain from sms or call him but yesterday i email him just to inform him i'm sick....actually been having fever but still struggle to work place....or else at home sure goes mad thinking of him and no one knows i'm sick at home also....sianz.....today manage to recover a bit but then still whole body feeling so weak...no appetite to eat also...haiz....dunno how long do i still have to wait.....scared i cannot withstand the way i'm going at this rate..sooner or later sure go into dripping glucose water liao....now when i bend down at work and stand up i feel giddy liao.......haiz.......just had my leg cramps recovered only....maybe overstrain my muscle during work plus weak body...haiz....

P.S .Kor, Remember the movie tickets expires on 19th July...please kindly make arrangements to it okay...we can watch at Tampines Mall....looking forward for your call

a life without living
a dance with no song
to laugh without smiling
a house, but not a home

it's like the heartache i'm feeling
no flow of blood to my brain
an abysmal darkness sinking
or dreams sweeping down the drain

that's the sadness i live with
silently throught so many days
but the euphoria i brim with
just when i see your face

a song without singing
fire but no warmth
darkness that falls without warning
a heart but no way to o o love

that's the heartbreak i'm feeling
no air in my breath
loneliness spans without ending
my body, mind, soul crushed by the air

that's the silence i sleep with
through days of black and gray
but the sunlight that shines on me
when i see your face

tells me that you love me

I somehow wish i can end my life now....life is so miserable...everytime when i try to fly, i fly without my wings,i feel so small.....
Ever knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring

Everyday i just waiting for that call which can give me back the hopes of life...if he never calls me again i sure get lost in the world and just simply worried that i might give up my life anytime if i can....why my life always met with such a huge encounter....why everytime promises made cannot be kept? while i so stupid i always keep to my promises....sometimes i really think i'm a fool to world....

Sad Sad Sad........Sobbing through the days

I been every single night sobbing alone in the room hiding at a corner....Thinking of my birthday is a rainy day suppose to be a day with showering blessings for me that is told by my kor but i think i have to think negatively now already....haiz.....why my kor is treating me like this....I thought i can always be my kor's boy boy but then he seems like treating me so cold recently after my 21st birthday...he sent me a msg saying dun wan me to send him sms,email and call him at the moment until he calls me....when will you call me ,KOr?...i miss you badly.....i didn't expect him to use the word of not meeting me anymore as a threaten to make me not calling him......why is he changing his attitude to me when i know he still likes me and i likes you so much.....I scared i really can't take it and i'm so tired of life already....haiz.....i think there is nothing else in the world to makes me continue my life when he used to be my motivation for every single day......can't he simply call me and tell me nicely that why he doesn't wan me to sms or call him? do he has to threaten me to the extend to stop me? i'm a understanding person if u tell me nicely one....i think i will be crying silently in my heart everyday until the day u call me.....i also not going to work at petrol kiosk already....i wan to join in my kor's company to help you out okay but i need you to guide me along clinching deals as i'm new to this line....

P.S. Kor, I'm desperately looking forward for your precious call....just tell me nicely why you r like this leh......

3 Days of Blog to write

I tried to hold myself up through the 2 days without getting my kor's response...I simply like his support to me....he is just like my next kin person already......in order for me to have more time to rest, i asked to change my shift and is like working from tuesday 3pm till wednesday 8am....long hours shift but then as my habits is like once the sun rise i dun get to sleep already...so wednesday morning i got home and slept only 2 hours and woke up do nothing but excited that thursday is my 21st birthday...then in the afternoon i went to have ice-cream with my cousin and her husband....walk around jurong point for a while and headed down to suntec city to meet shini,lay tien,germaine, jasen and germaine's friend......I thought it is simply a dinner gathering but didn't expect it to become a small party for me.....so surprise to it but yet can't help waiting for the actual day to come and spend it with my kor....then after the dinner, they all headed to go clubbing while i still like deciding to go or not...then i was like in the end, i choose to go although i told myself it is the last time.....i now in my blog itself promise to my kor that day will be my last day to club already as i want to be your dearest didi and be a good boy already...i got home was like 4am already so i still have to keep to my urge in waking up early and meet my kor in the morning....i woke up at 8am which suppose to reach his place one so i quickly hurry up and took a cab down to his house...simply can't wait to see him after so many days he bullying me...so i reach his place at 9+am becoz i caught in the jam in PIE towards his place....Wee.....at last i able to be with him already after so many days...as i said he is my energy,simply the moment i sees him my whole body tiredness all disappear ....i spend with him for 4 hours but very nice and precious moments.....around evening time i didn't expect him to turn back to the ignoring type of him to me...the attitude towards me is breaking my heart bits by bits but then i'm very devoted to true love one so that will never makes me put him aside but will makes me love him deeper only...haiz.....through the evening nobody notices today is my birthday....i tried to hint my dad and mum but yet they still dun get it....haiz....my sister is not back from work....then through the night i just hoping to hear from my kor but ended got a msg happy birthnite to me only.....i now placed my kor in my rank as no.1 already....he has replaced my parents ranking after today....i think i'm going to have my first 21st teardrops dripping down from my face already.....haiz........then i headed to my bed and hugging my bolster juz like hugging my kor tightly not letting him go....

PS.. Kor , I will never put you aside...the more you ignore me the more i can't concentrate on my work you know.....

How i wish can turn back time

This is monday....on sunday i work till quite late and slept at 1am....on monday morning i was so happy that i can visit my kor already so i woke up at 8am and travel all the way to pasir ris juz to find him...when i reach there it is already 9am and was at white sands msg him asking whether issit convenient to go to his house now...then i waited and waited until 10am i left white sands and headed to his house downstairs....and again i waited and waited until i called him at 11am but he refuse to pick up my call...dunno what is going on with him....i miss him so much.....he said that i can visit him on weekdays one.....haiz....when i was waiting at his house downstairs, i'm already sobbing with tears....bad to let ppl see me in tears so i hide a corner and cried then left after crying....took a bus back and have to work at 2.30pm at bukit timah area....haiz....during the journey, i just can't help holding back my tears but luckily i was sitting at a corner also....so my tears wasn't that obvious but the person sitting at the other corner is staring at me why i out of sudden burst into tears....haiz....reach my working place with no more tears.....luckily or else i will be questioned......i'm totally lost now....dun really feel like working already....i feel like this work has cause a strain to the relationship....how i wish i can turn to last wednesday and meet my kor and things might happen differently....i hate this job.........

Kor,I'm really pin very high hope in having my day with you....or else no other close people around to be with me on that day already....pls.....reply me and call me whatever u can ....

Sweet,Sour,Bitter and Spicy Days

It has been 4 days haven't did any update to my blog already....I miss my kor so much as 1 full week didn't see him already....Quite busy with the petrol kiosk thing and everyday is so tired after work....wishing i able to stay by my kor side and being pampered by him.....I cannot believe on wednesday nite he actually asked me able to go to his place on thursday to visit him but then i have to work at the petrol kiosk so cannot go and meet him....i really miss him so much after seeing his msg and i was like my soul flying over to his side already...i even argue with my boss to let me off on thursday but ended up failure becoz shortage of staffs....haiz.....i think my decline to it disappoint him....I'm really feel sorry for it and i really miss my dearest chance of seeing him.....then immediately on thursday morning i changed my shift to later part of the day just hoping to see my kor on friday morning before i start work but ended up being rejected also....haiz.....it really makes me feel so sad after his decline and didn't even pick up my call...i didn't know is whether angry with me or wat....during the evening he asked me not to msg or call him until he is free to do so....everytime he says such thing to me i feel so down......haiz...........miss him so much......I DON'T WANT TO WORK ALREADY...I WANT TO MEET MY KOR WHENEVER I CAN....until now i haven't got a single call from him then....i'm waiting and waiting...until saturday comes...my cousin's wedding is the day...so tired you know...i got home from work is already 1am and then slept at 2am but have to wake up 5 am to help my cousin's house....so tiring...sleep for only 4 hours....everyday single day been sleeping so little....scared that on my birthday that day i will turn into panda soon....i think i gonna quit soon...not suitable for me man....back to the wedding..great lor...so much tradition things to follow and because i'm the person to open the door for the bride's groom so also have to wear very nice...in the morning, i have to take breakfast with my cousin as the last meal with her and then early in the morning eating rice...then i was joking with them that we are having dinner now as the sky is still dark and acts like evening already...hehehe...then the makeup artist arrive her place at7.15am and followed by the photographer arrives in another 15mins time...the photographer is quite friendly and enjoyed talking to him...he is telling me normally how the things works and what i should do lor...at 8am the bride's groom arrived and the photographer ask me to make him wait for a while lor...hahaha....so when i got down there i have to bring along a red plate with a pair of oranges to welcome him...haiz....so much tradition things to do...i was like as busy as the bride also...hahaha no choice as she is my godsister also so have to wish her all the best to it...... the photographer pity me also because i seems to be so busy also....i have to take videocam throughout the process everything lor...i was like playing a few roles every single min...i think through the day i been talking a lot to the photographer...i got nothing much to talk with my relatives and i scared of also as they were start asking me where is my gf so i better stay aside with the photographer talking throughout lor...he also asking me why didn't i go and talk to my relatives but he knows lah...just wanted to tease me so i joke back saying that i don't know them.....was at at my cousin's place until 3pm then got home to change for the night suit lor....then i'm so worried for my cousin and her husband so i called and check with them whether need me to get them dinner before the wedding start because they won't get to eat the dinner lor...they were so greatful when i reach there with 2 packets of food...hahaha...we were eating in the hotel room while waiting for the makeup artist to come and do my cousin's makeup lor...after eating i felt so tired already....totally whole body no energy....but no choice and have to attend that dinner based on tradition as i'm the most important role to start off the dinner...if i'm late for the dinner they have to start the dinner late because i'm the Uncle for this couple as so call witness lah...hehehe....big VIP rite....no lah then while the makeup artist doing makeup for my cousin i was joking that i should go and watch a show then back for the dinner and make them wait hor...but in the end i was there chatting through with my god sister and the makeup artist....during evening time i didn't get to talk much to the photographer but he notice abt me and comment on the suit i wore lor...quite impressive...then took a pic of me with my godsister at the entrance...i wore a brown suit with a pink long sleeve shirt plus a shiny blue tie....quite eye-catching then the groom suit...hahaha....everyone eyes is on me rather than the groom so i took off the tie after the first dish so wasn't that bad lor....but still a bit eye catching because of the pink color i wore...after the 3 dish i went up with my godsister to change to evening gown while i take the chance to rest also...i stayed in the room till the last dish then i turn up.....i was totally ran out of energy so have to rest lor...i kind of feeling sad as my dearest godsister cum buddy will not be able to come out that often to accompany me anymore when i'm real bored although most of the time she is not the help of it but still got 1 or 2 times lah....i now will be waiting for the photographer pics took for the day to be out lor...then i can show u people to see how i wear for the day and night...hahaha.....got home at 1am and straight away sleep with my aircon on.....now i'm writing before i go to work ...dunno can choose not to go or not...bad sore throat and a bit headache.....lousy me......i miss my kor so much......


P.S. Kor, I'm really sorry ....do u know how much i miss you?....Please call me as soon as possible....wish to hear your voice once and again....