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Wednesday, June 02, 2004

I seems like can't change my habit of waking up already....I really dun dare to think of my someone but i still can't help it....sadly heart is crying but have to act brave in front of everyone....today is Vesak Day so decided to go for vegetarian day. morning i standard now having bread and jam plus cup of home-brewed coffee ....went down to get newspaper as early as 7am and i was reading newspaper and drinking but i simply can't help thinking of my someone so i msg my someone....i think i did something really wrong for my someone but then i feel so guilty the whole morning and since then i dun dare to msg my someone already ....today will be the 5th day of not seeing my someone....yesterday i was telling my friend not to worry abt such thing but me myself actually facing such problem....i think i really like my zodiac character as i hide in my room through nite yesterday...i was quietly crying but no ones know abt it....why i'm feeling that low....then this holiday morning is no different from other days...i'm left alone in the house throughout all the day till dinner time then got a small vegetarian dinner....whole afternoon i was like a house-man cleaning the curtains in my living room,vacuum the floor and mop the floor....most of all i bought new small fishes...when buying , it reminds me of those times that i had with my someone seeing fishes and buying things....haiz....why like then i decided to msg back to aplogize....i telling my someone that i actually facing family pressure....not much ppl understand what i'm facing now....all i wish to do now is hide and build my confidence again....i'm so weak at emotion side....i really worried that if i fall in love again and then something actually happens and break off...i might cannot take it anymore and dun blame me for commiting suicide...never knows what will happen....haiz.....stress stress stress....pls my someone dun blaME to become sticky towards you but i really can't help it as i'm so tired and need a good support first....all i wish to is lay on you for the moment and get back energy and i'm sure to be less sticky to u after that......i juz hoping u will understand what i mean to my someone....if u wan to know juz talk to me someday i will reveal the truth to u

10:46:00 PM