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A Busy Start Off for the Week

These 2 days haven't been writing my blog constantly because of my schedule is slightly a bit busy nowadays......monday morning i was like talking to my kor with some sweet talks....the conversations had brought me alive for the day....then in the later part of the morning, my ex-boss called me to meet him up for some briefing to be given for my new job assigned.....then spent half a day learning things that i had never come across....i think i can never run away from customer service or so-call frontline job....now i'm helping out in a petrol kiosk....in the meantime i was at other kisok to learn the standards and service and tact lines to be in this line....didn't know that so much of service to be given for just a simple petrol kiosk....then at nite i was like at home alone throughout as my parents having come home yet.....so went to sleep and ends my story for the day

Tuesday is a day to start with the real work....i have to reach the training kiosk at 8.30am....long time didn't have to work so early liao so i got my kor to wake me up....great to have him around....he called me up to wake me up at 7am and so nice to have his voice as my breakfast....hahaha......then it really perks me up even i didn't drink any coffee in the morning.....so today i have learnt quite a lot of things till 3 knock off time and chat with my ex-boss quite a lot things until 5+....got home by train and have to stand through the journey as just happen to be the knock off time for everyone working in CBD also.....damn tired for my legs man.....at last i reach home while msg with my kor ....great little evening time with his msg.....i can get easily satisfy with someone i like....including laytien conversations also.....hahaha.....every night is almost happening the same so no need to say further but got a short blackout at lots of places including jurong....made me so panic for my fish pond and tank....thinking so hard how to save my fish and come up with this resort quickly went to get those portable fans to create some motions for the water....everything was saved and my whole living litted up with candle lights....so romantic with the moonlight shining into the house.....great scenes......if i can be with my kor or the girl i loved sure can damn romantic lor...enjoying such a feeling....hardly come across to have the moonlight shining onto u in sg.....i'm writing this blog after a while resume back from the blackout.....

Hope my Kor neck collar can get off as soon as possible and my birthday is approaching.....Wheee.....Can't wait for the day to come

Weekends' Habits

don't know why always comes to weekend i will always think of the person that came into my life....i can stop missing my kor during weekdays but when come to weekends it seems like something is missing without him around with me....always the presence of him is so concern to me nowadays....no matter how i'm busy the moment i able to slow down my pace of life, the image of him will slowly comes into my life again....on friday actually nothing much i did only the most excviting part is the nitelife of mine....my friend r having a party for his birthday so i went to attend as part of clubbing also....so weird first time heard that been invited yet have to pay.....haiz...never mind lah....juz take it as a present for my friend lor....we shared paying a bottle of vodka to share among us...oh yah forgot to say where were we at that time...we were at Centro 360 then was a bit not happening before 12 so me and a small group of friends left the place and headed down to MS to somehow happening area.....we went to quite a few places....we manage to get in to M.W. and had a drink and was too crowded and headed to another one Dbl O...okie then we settle down at dlb O and enjoy through the nite already.....i had quite a lot of drinks that nite but yet to be drank maybe simply i feel happy lor....hehehe....overall i drank including at centro and madam wong, 1 vodka blackcurrant, 1 flaming lambourgini, 4 housepours shooters,1 screwdriver, 1 beer and 4 vodka neats......so much man.....nobody believes i can drink so much even for my friends as they never sees i drink such a strong liquor before...okay then i reach home at 4am and slept at 4.30am....so tired becoz was dancing crazily through the nite.....but the worst part is i automatically woke up at 8am in the morning which is my habit...made me feeling so tired in my body....i think the systems in me is complaining they are tired but no choice used to the waking up time already...saturday's afternoon i went shopping with my cousin's sister to get her dress for the wedding's day....Seems to be busy through the month with this stupid wedding thing....i got myself a pinkish stripes shirt as it hits my eyes and wanted to create some awareness.....hehehe.......okay then my weekend ends just like thta as sunday i did nothing much but juz resting at home....eating very simplest food but halfway got drag out by my parents to go IMM to do a bit of shopping again.....i was like draggin my feet through the building and at last i manage to go back and immediately i fall asleep at 5pm as too tired....i skip my dinner also....then woke up at 7pm and went to sleep again at 12am after a bath and some documentary programs in Discovery channel...was enjoying those tv shows in my room with air-con....great life to be....hahaha....that is my weekends how it goes like but now damn broke already...waiting for someone to support me liao....


P.S. to my Kor, I'm would like to aplogize to cause u so much trouble recently...I didn't mean it okay...

Few Days of JOY

Yesterday was quite a wonderful day for me...Spent the whole morning at my kor's place...i was with him and his family members through the morning.. I was chatting with him the whole morning and talking things about my interview and the stress i'm facing...although he looks a bit weird with his neck cast on but all i wish for him to recover as soon as possible as i wanna spend my birthday with him this year....Wishing to have a Most Memorable Birthday in my Life...Oh yah i gave him the guardian angel to him yesterday also....he was like reprimanding me for spending money again....i said to him i believe in angels so buying this thing i dun mind it so long he is being protected by my belief...actually i started to believe in angels all got a story behind one....the angels story is reminding me back to my sad days...

to keep it short it all started with my first crush with a girl....

i tried so hard to impress my first crush so i got this type of figurines becoz all the cravings got its own meanings behind....then she at first quite touched becoz of my efforts made but then due to the cost, i stop buying this type of things for her and she is kind of asking for it....haiz....then i was like got her a set of 6 at one short and i definetly dry up ever since....after one month with her, we broke off as i can't satisfy her with her desires so i agreed breaking off on surface but my heart shattered into small little pieces inside from that day....i fell sick for almost 1 weeks and then she was like went to the shop that i went and bought me the same angel that i get for my kor....then after i slightly got well every single day so i believe in guardian angel from that day onwards....i think comfort i able to get is from my kor and not from the girl becoz after that gift we did not talk or contact one another already....

from that day i know my kor is before i got my first crush....oh yeah...so i'm giving my kor this angel is really a deep meaning behind it....so if you are reading it so treasure it preciously becoz it symbolic my first love gift.....i'm not giving you the actual one but i got the identical one for you...all i can say that gift is below $50 but not below $10 of coz....dun look down on it okay....

back to my day i headed to help him to wash the fish tank for him after chatting with him...he unable to move about easily so i also promise so no choice...hehehe....made myself a bit wet but never mind lah.....love to see a tank that is clean and quite satisfying when it is done...not long after i finish, my kor invited me for his mum cooked lunch....so touched as so long haven't eat home-cooked food liao...although it is not so tasty but then can feel so nice....it is so huge plate and my kor told me becoz i help him to clean the fish tank that is why his mum got me a bigger plate....hahaha.....so full after that and i left heading home after his place...i left around 2pm then was like so tired already then nite time have to go shopping for a pair of shoes that suit my clothes on my cousin's wedding....hahaha.....okay that is my end of the day already....I can say it is so satisfying day for me....all i can say juz hoping next week to approach soon so i can visit him again....oh yesh....

Hope He Like it 

Closer Look at it 

My Kor's Present 

A Day fill With Pains

Today I think whole day been msg my kor but then no response from him....I went out of house since early morning 8am for interviews.. feel so tired wearing long sleeve shirt and a pant with leather shoe....damn tired with such heavy wear but feel happy when travelling together with the working people....hahaha....Siao rite?....I headed down to Ngee Ann City Tower A for a short interview with a job agency for the position of customer service helpdesk but might intro some other jobs for me as they find i might suitable for some other positions also....haiz...then not long after i headed down to shangri-la hotel for a position as Guest Relation Officer but i cannot join them as they wanted a staff that can commit more than 6 months....haiz....so tired and having headache right after this interview then i cancel all the interviews to be held in the afternoon which got 1 more....totally bad headache and i took a rest at takashimaya macdonald...maybe i still not ready for any jobs yet that is why i'm not sincere enough to find one yet...after that i headed home and i took a bus so that i can get to sleep through the journey....i'm going to cancel all the interviews to be held the rest of my week....i'm totally exhuasted now...sick of being asked and interview already.....during the second interview i almost screw up the thing as my head is killing me and they keep asking me this and that before they can conclude that they need a staff that works longer....idiot....i think i'm going to visit my kor another time one of these days in this week...i gonna pass him the rice dumpling i made and the present i got for him during his stay in hospital...i think my headache is caused by lack of sleeping and partially thinking too much of my kor already...dunno why issit becoz of so many days didn't see him then yesterday with him for only one hour seems not enough for me...haiz...am i too demanding already for a sick guy?....i have submitted my confession for the entries on 16/6.....actually i wanted to say out since last week but it took me to think so much to publish out this entries...i think it is time for me to let everyone that is viewing my blog to know already...then today was like a damn bad day for me.....no SMS from my kor, Headache killing me, interviews flooding my head.....argh....cannot stand it already and gonna stop for a while ebfore i reagin back to my life....i think i been thinking of my kor too much already.....but i think that is the power of love.....by the time my kor get to see all these entries i dunno will he get to understand me better?....feel like hugging him now....everyone out there....hugging from someone u like/love is a kind of therapy to you....believe me it is true....when u r really stressed or tired and ur loved one just hug u and u totally soft down and no more stress or tired in you already....

Monday Sweet Blue Day

Today I had a very busy day....Early in the morning i had one interview located at the CBD area....forgotten the company name but then i was offer a job position as Customer cum Sales Coordinator and the interview last me almost 2 hours...So tiring but then i dun mind as after the interview,I'm totally energize to travel all the way to the east side juz to meet my someone at the house....my someone said that have to stay at home the whole month so i got the whole month to visit my someone.....When i reach my someone's place is around 12 and then was at the doorstep, i got a shock as i saw my someone's mother and the nephew there because he has to drive and help out my someone with the house chores....haiz....I was so pai seh then i said i'm looking for my someone then my someone came to doorstep walking slowly to bring me in...hahaha....the moment i saw my someone i was so happy in my heart but the cast on the neck makes me feel so pain...dunno why i can feel so deep for my someone....we were chatting so happily with my someone the whole one hour then i left the house at 1+ because there is someone coming to the house so i have to leave....I wanted to stay through the day with my someone as i really feel so sweet and warm inside my heart even though i cannot hug my someone....when i leave my someone's house, i headed for a haircut and i think everyone should be expecting a brand new look of me....hahaha.....I think i will go for a haircut only when i'm good mood or really bad mood.....i will not go for a haircut for nothing one....i think today is my happiest day among these 2 weeks...i think this hairstyle i'm having nobody will expect me to cut like this one...i cut it this way all for my someone as my someone like it this way and suits me too....no more long hair....no more colored hair.....then right after my haircut i got an interview right away to go for last min one as the person called for a short interview if i can so i proceed on...it is located at ngee ann city and position given is customer service again so i went there....so tiring day....i ended the whole thing and reach home at 6....I really dun wish to leave my someone place ...haiz.....hoping to visit my someone soon this week....hoping to spend real good time personally with my someone.....
when i got home the place is so empty...no one at home and have to eat bread for dinner again...i wish i'm at my someone's place to be with....now when i'm typing out this blog, my hifi set is blasting the house with new age sound....give it a try as my reccomendations....Kevin Kern's Album...all the collection from this person is nice...it is instrumental type but quite relaxing music....I'm going crazy already....wishing to appreciate this music with my someone while drinking a cup of nice coffee...all i wan now is to fulfil my wishlist before i enter NS...

Personally to my someone:
Today i'm glad i can get to see you but hope next time able to be more personal with you. Dun worry i will sure help you to clean your fish tank one but not today as i dress so formal so cannot dirty it...hope you understand it....i help you to clean next time okay....I got you a real gift for you...very special present and meaningful also...but expensive also hor....

4 days didn't put in my blog already.....slightly a bit busy through the weekend but then still missing my someone.....

Haiz....why like that....the image of my someone doesn't fade away easily and seems like a bit upset everyday of my life ever since i dun get to see my someone....heyhey.....can say should be happy that my cousin is getting married but then i still missing my someone so i dun feel happy for that....on saturday was busy through the day helping my cousin to give away the traditional sweets stuff to the relatives houses and then it took the whole day to finish delivering to every single places....then in the evening my parents went for a wedding dinner so i was totally neglected already....i think since i stop my work i feel the neglect from ym parents is still there....no changes at all...mouth said want to compensate me the time with me but the actions done was totally opposite....haiz.....STRESSED.....during saturday all the relatives saw me and said like umpteen of years didn't see me already and i look so big in size to them already....i almost got mistaken for my cousin's husband....hahaha....then i was laughing replied i dun even have a gf how to get married...and i dun married so early unless something happen....they were saying my criteria to get a gf is not difficult but i replied them is all depends on the chemistry and then i keep quiet because they keep pushing me to get married.....CRAZY....haven't have enough fun then get tied down with the marriage.....then sunday my mum was busy doing rice dumplings then again i'm being neglected and my father is so busy that can't even celebrate father's day with him....haiz....got him a present and then he like it...it is just a simply case to put his stuff in....but quite costly becoz of the material.....he got home around 11+ which i already sleep and he knows i'm broke after buying the present for him so he left me a $50 bill in my wallet which i discover this morning....haiz....wat i wan is the care and concern but not the money....haiz....they still can't understand wat i wan....CRYING inside my heart......I think only my someone can understand me most.....i always there for my someone....dun worry my soul will always be ur guardian looking after you....glad to hear that you feeling better and i was on the phone with him on friday morning...i really can't bear to put down the phone after toking with the warm voice....Touched Deep Down in my heart....I been craving for such feeling for so long already.....at last the nightmares i been having had turn into sweet dreams every night....Thanks to my someone's call....my someone has changed my life totally....learn to appreciate classical,sleeping early, stop drinking alcohol drinks and a lot more has bring me good to me....I would like to say Thanks to You and Be with You Forever.....

This morning i sent a msg to my someone and then i recieve the call from my someone....
was telling me that calling me is quite tough so i was so touch and worried at the same time....i thought the operation my someone did has recovered totally that is why able to discharge...but who knows that after discharge still have to stay at home to rest so many days to be fully recover from it....the moment i hear the voice from my someone was feeling so terrible my heart is also feeling not good even....i think i have mistaken for so many days but why can't my someone reply my msg instead of calling....nvm but just want to say that my someone has always in my heart ranking the first ever since i know you....pls recover quickly as i wish to be with you as soon as possible...cannot visit you or see you the feelings is quite terrible....why can't you let me show some care and concern to you when u r sick?...caring and concerning silently is so hard as i wish to be by your side somedays taking care of you ....Today I was staying at home through the day doing nothing.....morning had a simple breakfast at least i have a bit of appetite after recieving the call from my someone....i think for almost a week plus i haven't had my breakfast already...now my appetite is a bit starting to get back already....then lunch time i still skip for it....haiz....still a bit worried for my someone and i can feel the pain for my someone even though the operation is not on me...afternoon i was on the net and doing nothing....walking round the empty house dunno what to do....wanted to go out but the sun is soaring hot so i decided to stay put.....nowadays it seems like the moment i go out i will like tends to go to the east side of sg juz wish to see my someone....dinner time have come and of coz i cook for the dinner as my parents will be back for dinner...i had my dinner alone and appetite also not gd enough so had only half a bowl of rice....then the whole evening is like empty to me....my parents juz got home only at 11 then i was now writing my blog....haiz....can someone tell me what is life?

Why must life never short of the section for Love?

writing my confession tooks me the whole day to think whether to announce or not but i think it is a form of way to let my kor know the importance of him to me....today i recieve a msg from him telling me he is discharging today and i didn't get to see him a single min or time....haiz....makes me feel so sad...then later part i went for a interview at simei for a temp job but unsuccessful as they need a person which got experience....feel so cheated to go all the way down there and i thought of visiting my kor since he is discharging today....i was so scared to meet anything so i msg him to see whether i can go or not but i arrive his place before i got any reply from him...i been through the afternoon waiting for his reply while i sat at the mac near his place juz to pop by...i waited till around 4+ then i left and still no response from him...i felt so sad leaving and was like totally lost dunno where to go...i dun wish to go home as there is no one at home now....haiz....and while taking a bus towards white sands i was thinking what he actually want from me.....his change of attitude to me is so unpredictable...pls dun be like that..i know you r a guy i can trust on so that is why i dun mind everything....i mean u can see it for yourself that i really dun mind everything but just to be with you....so sad until around 9 i got his msg telling me he cannot tok on the phone so i was totally ??? and sad also...but never give up hopes as i always hope for tomorrow....in the meantime i so lonely and scared of nite time so i broke my own promise and goal that i set to keep away from alcohol for the sake of my kor...i juz wan to be a good boy from the day i know him but today is exception...i was so scared to sleep now....i think the moment i can get to see my kor then i can able to sleep soundly.....i went to have a drink and ppl i knew keep giving me drinks because they didn't see me quite some time....last time i'm quite gd drinker but not till now as i promise to be good boi.....i think that is my maximum until now...had a screwdriver,flaming lamborgini,long island tea and vodka neat....plus some small little drinks....really got sabo by them but i promise never again touch those things already....i promise you kor that i will never touch alcohol anymore...only soft drinks for me.....i will continue to be the good boy from now onwards...wake up early,sleep early....dun drink alcoholic drinks....have healthy food ....last thing i should learn is overcome the fear of swimming...so i can next time swim with you.......i promise all these to you...trust me i will keep to my promise so will u also do the same keeping your promise to me?hope you still remember or else i will tell u again.....all i wish now is to be with you no matter how old you will be...even after my ns i will still wan you back...even i got myself a life partner i still wan u by my side....even i'm sick i still wan u....no matter how long u or i live juz hope to maintain always our relationship....i'm serious abt it also....i think after having so much strong drinks that give me the courage to write everything including confession....I at last writing this thing truthfully with no hidings to it anymore....i think everyone got his or her own rights to choose who is their life partner to be....dun look down on anyone.....pls friends out there dun keep away from me okay as i got no harm for u all as i'm stick to one person only.....

Confession

I just dun wish to keep anyone i know in suspense anymore....the someone that i'm referring to is actually a guy....Being with a guy is not an offence so i hope to be able to keep all my current friends that reading my blog as friends forever....i believe in things that are forever.....I think i'm simply like my this guy too much...never had such an experience before as like i can totally rely on that person totally....I'm so tired now after working so many years and i need a very good rest and relaxation....hope my guy will give me his understanding and concern to it....let me intro him to my friends reading my blog...his name is roger and he is a person that is kind and thoughtful to me althought most of the time i have to accomodate to him...grateful that he is with me for 6 years....i really regret why i didn't meet him earlier as things would have happen differently....All i wish now is spend whatever time i have with him....i choose to resign my job also partially to be with him more time...I love the way he cares and concern for me as i have never felt it so much ever from anyone including my parents...but if roger,you r reading this day journal entry, just wan to let you know u r important to me as i can't find anything else that can makes me feel there is love or care to me already....although i still have to find my life partner as i know u can never can become my life partner but wish u can be my life supporter or a person i can turn to whenever i feel happy or sad....these few days of incident has made me realise that the importance of you.....every nite i been losing my sleep and appetite to eat...i even had bad dreams that make me wakes up in the middle of the nite and cries....and making me feeling so scared of nite time as i feel so lonely and helpless when the sun set....the warmth u give me really helps a lot....pls dun treat me so cold or ignore me anymore after seeing this blog...see i decided to say out abt u i know the position u placed in my heart already...i'm willing to tell everyone abt u becoz i feel it is time for me to say out already.....i dunno it is good or bad but juz wan to let u know u have overtaken the importance of my siblings already....I will still go for girls afterall for true relationship wise but just that I like to share some personal things with a guy which a girl cannot understands it...

Just Another Day

Does my someone knows how much of my time is thinking of my someone? I think it has occupied most of time already....Today i still waiting aimlessly for the call by my someone...i did not dare to call my someone but yet I realy kind of worried and miss....where is my someone now doing? has my someone forgotten the promise made? I believe in my someone yet i totally in a lost for it now.....My hp is on through the day and no one call me...I was waiting for the call .....I was like every single night having bad dreams and everytime wake up my eyes will be filled with tears....The moment i wake up nowadays i been deeply in thought of everything in my life....What have i done wrong?...please i just want someone that i can count on and have the care and concern being given...that is what i lack of all the while...The feeling is always not there with any other people until i meet my someone......haiz........The power of Love is powerful.....

Sad Day that goes again ***Disappointed***

Why my someone did not call me? I'm so worried for at home and yet not a single call from my someone....I'm totally scared as it is a promise yet did not fulfil.....i tried so hard to keep to my words and why like this....i been staying at home just to wait for the call until now...i been on my laptop on and ensuring my hp doesn't goes flat battery juz waiting for the golden call....i can say i lost my path of life already....I was so glad that it is monday already but yet to hear from my someone...i'm so worried when my someone recover from the operation then i fall sick....i think my gastric from bad to worse...seen a doc and gave me pills...my gastric now is like the moment i delay a bit on my consumption of food , my gastric will start to reacts liao...long time didn't have such a hard time already....i just wish that my someone is there to care for me.....haiz.....

Waiting for This Day

I been waiting for this day to come...my someone is undergoing an operation now...I really wonder how is my someone already~!!!...out from the operation room and resting now or Still waiting to go into the operation room?....How dangerous is the operation I also don't know...haiz.....where is my someone now....very worried abt it but does my someone knows?

God will Always Bless you

Life So Meaningless With Someone

3 days didn't put in my journal already.....haiz....life is so meaningless already....no friends no money no activities no mood and most of no someone....so many NOs' in my life already....kind of missing the days i have with my someone....since friday my whole body seems like running out of fuel already....so tired of life already.....turn around i sees nothing turn to my hp i sees nothing turn to tv all i sees is boring shows.....is that the life i wan???.....argh......kind of tedious to miss someone so badly....i able to get my appetite back but the mood is not there.....very lost now.....haiz....my head is having such a pain when keep thinking of my someone.....now i understand the feeling of being "Xiang Si Bing"Love sickness....today Sunday morning i really can't take it already so i send my someone a MMS hoping to get well soon...tomorrow is the actual day of operation be if i not admitted since yesterday....then in the afternoon recieve a call from my someone telling me can't view my mms because got no MMS function for the hp and laptop is not around.....haiz....so sad but still got the care to give me a call and tell me to take care.....I will be waiting for the call after the operation....hope to see my someone as soon as possible....all i can think of now is to be with my someone as long as possible and nothing else......hope i dun fall sick when he recovers....today i feel a bit drowsy sort....head is still at spinning mode....all i wish i can see my someone soon.....so many days i think i did all sorts of idiot things lor.....friday i went to orchard with my cousin to shop around for the coming wedding dinner clothes for myself...in end did not buy anything.....totally got no mood to buy anything at all....then saturday was cleaning the house thoroughly to keep myself occupied but in the end i causes myself overwork and vomit out all the food i taken in the morning.....head is so pain that i took panadol and went to sleep after finishing the chores....when wake up i was crying becoz i had a bad dream of things happening between me and my someone....i simply can't accept it.....is dreams normally happens when u r craving for that thing?......that is the end of my terrible saturday....sunday all i did was skipping my breakfast and gave my kids a gd bath....then afternoon i had slices of bread and went to get my kid's food changed as not suitable for him....haiz....
i think my rest of the day gonna be on missing my someone mode again...becoz there is no one else to keep me occupy....and then the house going to be empty again....
sis going outstation to thailand and my mum is helping out with my cousin's wedding so might not be at home most of the time.....haiz....boring lonely broke guy down here......waiting for my someone to save me out from this shit....argh.....

A Beginning to Miss Everyone

Early in the morning 7am i recieve 3 msgs from ym friends telling me they are going Tekong today.....haiz......What a morning to start off......the day before i decided to stop msg or call my someone and the morning got msgs reminding me that i'm alone .....What a life to go on with....Now my whole life seem meaningless...yesterday i recieve 2 unsuccessful application for jobs because i unable to sign them 1 year contract...they wanted me to work with them but juz the time i can give them is not enough....one is the customer service trainer which i have to undergoes 2 months training...the other is frontline helpdesk support.....what a day.....then in the afternoon because mum is not around so have to go out in search for lunch....then i realise that maybe my ex-colleague might be free so i ask them out after work...one of them is feeling unwell so did not go and the other(Sharon) is free so we went to holland village to eat sushi which taste like hell.....the food are cold and the things doesn't seems to suit me....i was like feeling so down so eating has become a way to kill my time and forget everything so the order i placed like so much...filled up the whole table full of food and my ex-colleague was so stunned....then after the sushi we had haagen daz again...i was too full that i took a coffee while she took an ice-cream....wat a day...haiz.....after finish that lunch which almost 5 we both headed home....i feel that no matter how much i do i still cn't forget my someone in my mind....i feel that no one can replace the importance of my someone already...even my parents and sisters have to stand aside....maybe becoz i never felt so close even with my parents before....they are always busy with their own stuff and i have to find my own things to do....last time since primary sch i dun like to go home already becoz i find home is so cold and quiet to me......it is juz a shell for me to stay in .... i think my parents doesn't know what i wan....it is not the money but is the feeling....Money can never buy feelings,relationship or friendship.....that is what i like abt my someone...it is the concern being showered by and care i needed most....haiz.....why on earth there is a thing call money? can everyone juz earn enough to survive instead of asking for more and sacrifices some other thing? why everyone have greeds in their mind?
greeds for fame,wealth,status,etc.....has anyone thought before every form of greed u have actually have to sacrifice something in ur life?....haiz.....how come so early be in such a deep thought already.....

after hanging those old places i been to with my someone, i have come to a solution to give both of us a break for a week....shit....while sending my someone the last msg, i'm having my gastric pill...shit..... so long my gastric has not come and now it happens...the last time happens due to the work and study stress and now purely love stress....today my gastric came back because i did not eat or drink for the whole day and then i was at the east side the moment i ended the journal earlier on....i can say i really got no appetite to eat....in the end when i got home at 9pm, i had my pills then took a slice of bread then cannot further on already....so sianz....wish my someone recover soon from the operation.......let me tell you where i goes today....i took a bus 30 all the way to bedok and took bus 17 to my someone place...i stay at the place for almost half an hour and i headed down to white sands....i was at white sands library giving a very thorough thought of what i should do....and then i follow down to tampines mall and look and see...that is the most memorable place i been with my someone so i took a stroll through the mall....then my decision has almost comes all up....through the journey i was listening to FIR album and a few songs actually hits me and made me cry in my heart....while taking the train back i give a final decision on what to say to my someone which is good for both of us....then the song replay back and made me break into a drip of tears in the train...i think the passenger beside got ??? why this guy got tears in his eyes....so embarrasing...i can say my tears dun come down easily but juz dunno why.....off to sleep now or else my gastric going to happen again.....dun worry my friends but i will try my best to recover my appetite....i will force myself to eat.....

wat a disaster....all my friends out of sudden disappear.....i left with my someone only now....arh......then my someone also busy didn't bother to talk to me...i'm so lonely now....i cannot survive with no friends.....juz recieve a few calls from my friends telling me they are going in today so cannot go out liao.....arh.........save me .....called my ex-colleagues and they were so busy.....should i call my someone'm
why things are so bad....should i be letting go or not...but i really can't bear to let go as this support is my only pillar of my life left....my friends are gone and now the main pillar is seems like cracking.....got a call from my someone and wat a short talk....told me cannot meet up on friday and hang up my call...oh my god what is happening.....is there nothing much we can talk about now?....i'm a lost boy now....dunno what i'm doing already........arh.....help me....out of sudden this kind of call has make me turn round and round.....does that someone really know the importance of it in my heart now?..this is still a question....I totally lost of appetite already now....i haven take my lunch yet sooner or later if it continues sure my gastric will comes back....haiz...really got no appetite....now like a dead body lying down with my laptop on my lap......why like that.........**stressed**........trouble with love...why on earth there is love such thing?....if there is no love there will no people getting hurt and no one on earth commiting suicide already....

One more Day to Go

Today is monday. as the same no appetite to eat much so had only a glass of milk last me through the day.....was hoping my someone would give me a call and my someone said doesn't want to reply my msg juz dun wan to distract me....haiz.....hmmmm....afternoon i went to orchard alone and staring into the blank for nothing...so bored to death....then when i'm withdrawing some cash to use, my someone called me and talk to me....felt so great that get to hear the voice but then no use as cannot see my someone...haiz...then i tooka bus to clementi to meet my friends to KTV again...they were having this session for them going into the NS one....the whole evening was in the room and i skip my dinner again then i cannot tahan until i bought mac and brought into the room to eat....so hungry but after eating the burger it fills my stomach liao....very save money hor....haiz what to do when lose appetite for missing someone...although i dun sing but i go there just to let my friends see my face as they always say gathering without me turning up one...this the day how it ends so meaningless......

Most important day

this day i have to go for my medical checkup and my someone promise to go along with me so the whole morning was with my someone while i'm doing my checkup....my doctor said my condition has turn better and just have to maintain it and i able to go into the NS to join in the troop soon....oh yesh....but scared i cannot see my someone so often if i get in....dun dare to tell my someone i'm hungry...at last seeing my someone brought back my appetite to eat but then my someone dun have habit of having lunch so i did not mention of having lunch with my someone but then my someone also very busy so what to do.....just dunno why the feeling is so comfortable when with someone u like/love.....hard to explain....the question was pop up by my someone which i dunno how to answer...."why you want to meet me so often?".....most of all is the feeling is there.....then after leaving my someone, i headed to town to have small little things done...getting my little kids their food...sourcing down where to buy them as the amt i wanted is quite huge....i started with simei pet safari but then they can't offer me good price and the quantity so i headed to bukit timah to buy when they left with the miserable few cartons...so i took everything delivered to my place....costing me $150 for just my kids food....broke liao....just can't wait for coming friday which i can meet my someone again....wish i can have more time with my someone this time round before my someone goes for the operation....half a month leh....so miserable for me.....day ended although short time spent with my someone but then at least can feel comfortable for the moment....all i wish the moments doesn't goes off so fast.....haiz....had my lunch at 5 with one of my sec. sch friend which happen to be going into ns coming thursday and was nearby where i am so we had together....left off around 6 but fill my stomach quite full as my appetite was open up at the moment....had a bowl of noodle with a soup and then one bubble tea plus a bit of snacks....great....my friend got shock with my appetite also...hahahaha....wish to have dinner with my someone one of these days....this my wish...

Hmmm.....another weekend to go SUNDAY.....it is still okay for me but just the feeling of missing someone in your life the feeling is terrible...it just like losing of one energy in your body and makes everything looks meaningless to you......and plus i'm thoroughly lonely during the daytime....i tried so hard not to msg my someone today but i just can't help it so i msg but then got no reply from my someone so my energy are so drained....i'm laying down on the bed doesn't wish to move at all and is just like a hospital person laying on the bed with no visitors switching the tv channel here and there....so bored to death......it is killing me.....my someone is going for an operation soon and i going to miss my someone as i unable to call or sms my someone...what another half a month to survive through....throughout i only had 2 slice of bread with quite few glasses of milk....really lack of appetite to eat already.....comes to dinner at least slightly get to force myself to eat half a bowl of rice at my grandma place.....then out of sudden craving for something cold so went to holland village for haagen daz ice-cream together with my going to get marry cousin....she was like to munch small little things so she tag along to have desserts....then went to her place to copy some cds so ended up quite late then reach home but i still misses my someone although it has been a day....haiz....where all my friends gone to? they were kidnapped by the government left me alone outside and i can only depend so much on my someone to be my closest person already...hopefully my someone can understand what i mean.....

Today is a day where i tried very hard myself from calling or msg my someone....hmmm....kind of hard to stop thinking of someone you like of...then the whole morning was fiddling with my hp whether to msg or not but scared to cause my someone any trouble so i decided not to.....let my someone quiet for a while as i can see coming tuesday already....weee......so happy....can't wait for this day to come....then afternoon i went to town area and had lunch with my cousin....i restrict myself from using my hp so i left my hp with my cousin which i dun able to access easily....i treat her to NYDC and we had pasta and mudpies as dessert....what an enjoyment......then after the meal we went to takashimaya to walk walk....we was in the walt disney hall and she bought glasses while i saw those stickers to decorate the toilet bowl and bought quite a few to design it.....so cute with mickey and pooh pictures....then we had quite a no. of small snacks...we had pretzel bread and cheese sticks to eat while we shop lor....although we got nothing yet quite happy as looking for nice clothes to attend her comign wedding....decided on that suit but cost me $300 total....kind of not worth to buy it becoz juz wear once unless i can get to attend more wedding dinner including my own...hahaha.......so all these we ended going back for dinner at ...on the way back on the car we had takoyaki again for snacks lor....when got home was a bit full for dinner so delay till 9 then had the dinner....the day juz ended like that and when i got my hp back i realise there is just a missed call from my someone but when i realise was kind of late so i cannot call back as i know my someone sleep early one...so good nite everyone.....my day seems to be pampering too much liao.....juz the mood is not there much enjoy.....becoz i get to talk to my someone yesterday so feeling better and able to have better appetite liao....siao right me....

all i can say i been writing my blog of my every single day how i feel....can say this week is my low week...this morning quite impressed that i woke up at 9am...becoz i slept at 3am so juz nice 6 hours of sleep and auto awake system is on....i had a glass of nutrisoy bean milk which i bought yesterday from 7-11...reading through newspaper and having slices of bread with jam....hmmm....i think my breakfast will be sticking to strictly only jam and bread already as i wan to be a good boy dun wan to take too heavy breakfast....oh yah....today my mood slightly better as my someone actually initiate to meet me but then i cannot as the time is too rush already so i said next week then.....i really dunno what my someone is thinking...i feel my someone so concern towards me regarding things i written in my blog....haiz....all i can say i'm so down in terms of mood during these period of days when i dun get to see u but juz hoping you can understand it...then after that short conversation i was like a bit better in my mood already and had something for lunch....out of nowhere my mum back from the market got me lunch already and guess wat...she got me a packet of chicken rice....haiz....that rice makes me misses my someone so much...such a coincidence....i and my someone had chicken rice as lunch twice and makes me remember deeply as something special happens everytime after eating it....wat to do and juz to resign to fate.....then the whole i was at home trying to make myself busy then again i was doing household lor...wat a free maid for my mum...then comes the evening i took my dinner quite early and decided to retreat to my relaxing time early....i do a bit of gardening at my corridor and then clean the floor outside...then it is time for me to come in and write my blog while i enjoying my cup of flower tea to keep me stress-free world...haha...everyone muz be saying this guy enjoying his life rite but i gonna start off my fighting spirit back soon...maybe next week my mood will be better after seeing my someone.....just kind of worried for my someone as my someone going for an operation on mid of june...somehow gonna miss u but hope i can visit u during ur stay in hospital.....hope everything goes smoothly and all the best to you and speedy recovery....God will look after you...whenever there is hopes there is a chances to it...I'm going to sleep soon....hope tomorrow is a gd day to start off...

today i woke up slightly late but the day was filled with things to do....in the morning i was helping out one of my friend shop...so easy as nothing much to do but to surf net in the shop....hahaha.....then i only stay till 12pm as becoz there will someone to take over the duties...so i left the shop and headed back home....the whole morning my someone tried to get hold of me but i was unable to as when the timing my someone called is when there is a customer around.....so i reject the call...i spent the whole afternoon doing nothing outside at coffee house....before that i had lunch with one fo my sec. sch friend and he has to get busy with his own stuff so i'm alone and headed to coffee house for my lost mind....haiz....around 5+ i reach i recieve the call from my someone and after that i felt so bored and lonely as the house are still empty so i went for a movie alone...watched harry potter at Jurong Point GV screening at 9.30pm and halfway through the show i fell asleep as it is damn boring ...i can give a bad rating compare to the first and second one i watched....i just want to let my someone know that ever since i decided to meet you i already start to pin my hopes on you to be my main support for me as i been a loner for so long...i started work since i'm 14 and ever since i was born to be workaholic....i work so hard no matter where i land my feet on whichever company......imagine a young boy when reach 16 already at a level higher than anyone....been working in the world for 7 years and kind of tired of it already....

I seems like can't change my habit of waking up already....I really dun dare to think of my someone but i still can't help it....sadly heart is crying but have to act brave in front of everyone....today is Vesak Day so decided to go for vegetarian day. morning i standard now having bread and jam plus cup of home-brewed coffee ....went down to get newspaper as early as 7am and i was reading newspaper and drinking but i simply can't help thinking of my someone so i msg my someone....i think i did something really wrong for my someone but then i feel so guilty the whole morning and since then i dun dare to msg my someone already ....today will be the 5th day of not seeing my someone....yesterday i was telling my friend not to worry abt such thing but me myself actually facing such problem....i think i really like my zodiac character as i hide in my room through nite yesterday...i was quietly crying but no ones know abt it....why i'm feeling that low....then this holiday morning is no different from other days...i'm left alone in the house throughout all the day till dinner time then got a small vegetarian dinner....whole afternoon i was like a house-man cleaning the curtains in my living room,vacuum the floor and mop the floor....most of all i bought new small fishes...when buying , it reminds me of those times that i had with my someone seeing fishes and buying things....haiz....why like then i decided to msg back to aplogize....i telling my someone that i actually facing family pressure....not much ppl understand what i'm facing now....all i wish to do now is hide and build my confidence again....i'm so weak at emotion side....i really worried that if i fall in love again and then something actually happens and break off...i might cannot take it anymore and dun blame me for commiting suicide...never knows what will happen....haiz.....stress stress stress....pls my someone dun blaME to become sticky towards you but i really can't help it as i'm so tired and need a good support first....all i wish to is lay on you for the moment and get back energy and i'm sure to be less sticky to u after that......i juz hoping u will understand what i mean to my someone....if u wan to know juz talk to me someday i will reveal the truth to u

same here for today i woke up 5.30am....so early as every day i'm hoping to see my someone....never expect what a bad news to me at 9am....my someone told me that today cannot meet me....do u know i really miss you....i feel so empty the moment u said u cannot meet me....my heart is crying although guys shouldn't cry so i'm crying inside my heart....pls dun always keep telling me that dun waste time on you but i know what i'm doing....i just want to spend my precious time with you....dun forget your promise to me that never hurt me emotionally okay...i told you before...then after the call i really very lost and ask one of my ex-colleague(lay tien) out for a lunch as i really feeling very low....we went to nooch noodle bar to eat and had thai dishes....not bad as the lunch also we paid on dutch....then we walk through the orchard from wheelock to plaza singapura as i really feel very lost....then i headed down to KTV Cha Xuan to meet up my friends for my friend's birthday party as i seldom goes one so they quite shock i turn so i was like sitting down there staring into the blank as i'm not into drinking already and i drank a cup of fruit punch that's all....sad to say this event i paid for them as it is a treat for the birthday boy....haiz....dunno why i get bully so easily...why should i listen to them to pay then i just give my debit card to the counter and sign.....sigh.....i'm jus so lost and dunno what i'm doing....my someone ignore my msg through the rest of my day....i think my someone has turn into my support as i have never fall for someone so deeply before...tell me what to do....